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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Today and 1999.

Today is the fortieth anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.  Happy anniversary to abortion rights!

Back in late 1998, I thought I'd gotten pregnant.  The doctor's office blew me off and gave me an appointment in 1999.

I was pregnant.  The Pill had failed.

When you're on psychotropic medications, like I am, that mutates the fetus.  Carrying to term is not recommended.  That's why a woman who is mentally ill needs to choose between her own health or the baby's; should she become manic, or depressive, she can't take meds or it will endanger the baby.

I'm bipolar.  Without my meds, I become depressive first, and then manic.  Not only is that not good for me, it's bad for a child.  Imagine a baby crying -- needing food or a diaper change.  Then imagine if the mother is unable to function.

I can well imagine that.  I've been manic several times, and depressive a lot more.

In 1999, the hospital sent me for a second-trimester abortion at a clinic.  The next month, the hospital gave me a tubal ligation... which I'd sought in September 1998, but my doctor refused; my being practical didn't suit him.

In most states right now, I couldn't have that abortion.  What sort of child would result?

I'd like all the conservatives to think about that.

They love babies in the womb, but once a child is born, then they're done.

And what would happen to me?  I've been manic three times, and that's two times too many, honestly.  That damages your brain, changes your mental wiring -- you lose things.

I can't spell like I used to before 1991, which is really important to me.  I'm an editor now, and I am very careful about spelling, because I know that I can't rely on my own brain anymore for that.

I couldn't freelance either.  Being manic destroys your judgment.  Judgment is an important part of editing.

This isn't written for sympathy.  I'm glad I was able to resolve it all back then.

Yeah, I'm still mad at that Michigan doctor, and also at that Californian doctor's office.  They both discounted my own knowledge of myself and what's right for me, of pregnancy and my own menses.  I had COBRA then.  I don't have it now.

I need my meds.  I need them to function.  I have been crazy, chemically speaking, and I do not recommend it, because it's not something I'd wish on anyone else.

So... how dare you, "pro-life" movement, how DARE you tell me you're for life.  You aren't for life.  You're for a circumscribed limiting of others who don't believe as you do, and you don't give a damn whether you cause anguish, poverty, bankruptcy, starvation, grief, or suffering.

You just think you know better.

And you are wrong.

If you had your way, I probably would have had a child with multiple ailments, whose medical care would be beyond my means.  S/he would have pushed me into poverty.  You would have called it God's will and whispered that it was my fault.


I doubt God would be anything like you.

Life is to be cherished.  I'm already alive, but you don't care about that.  Forcing me to surrender my liberty, life, or happiness because you think yours matters more... is the greatest wrong you promulgate.

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