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Monday, September 29, 2014

Depression: Robin, James, and me.

Robin Williams's death: a reminder that suicide and depression are not selfish by Dean Burnett.  This is a great piece, and if you don't understand depression, do read it.  If you think suicide is selfish, do read it.

And if you want to understand me, or anyone who is depressive, again... please read it.

Lynn Flewelling also blogged about depression and Robin Williams.

This is about Robin, who died, and James, who got married Saturday (see post on my SH fan blog) and mostly me.

Ever since Robin died, I've been thinking about depression.  I'd been thinking about it a lot already, because I'm depressive, and I know -- I know -- that the reason I keep kept waking up and wishing I wasn't alive... is depression.

I don't want to be dead, mind you.  I really don't.  Wanting not to be alive is not the same thing at all.

(Don't try to reason with me about it, depression cannot be reasoned with; it has no capacity for logic.)

I've been depressive a lot in recent years.  Not constantly, but too often, and I'm happy to be in therapy again.  That, I hope, will help.

I'm speaking to you in words, but words don't affect depression for the better.  Being depressive means it's a feeling, or it feels like a feeling.  I'm not saying this to make you unhappy, either.

I have gotten a new antidepressant, for which I am very grateful.  I still have some symptoms, but they're lessening, and that's a marvelous, wonderful thing.

Most of this post was written over a week ago; the next section was written on 27-Sept-14.

To inspire you, there's other people who're mentally ill -- like James Rhodes -- and he doesn't stop reaching out to help others.  To improve their lives and their health, as music most definitely does.

I wish someone had reached out to Robin.  You can't know what's in someone's heart, and we're all too good at hiding how we feel, or even being so numb no one can tell what's wrong.

James Rhodes is a really clever, kind, and funny guy.  Oh, and he plays piano.  He's a famous concert pianist, in fact.

Why does James Rhodes want your old instruments?  Short answer:  For charity.

Playing with fire: how concert pianist James Rhodes overcame his demons.  

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