The short version of the past year is this: Tiny Cat chose to live inside with us; six months later, he vanished; his family nearly all vanished; I've been struggling with depression for many months...
I did get a new shrink. So that worked out. :) Except for the other problem, which is that I appear to be speeding BACK into effin' hypomania. Again. Not my current doctor's fault, he is very good at working with me, unlike the previous few doctors.
More on my health later...
Looking back, I posted about the cats and our cat colony, so I'm glad I documented it at least. :/ Having one beloved cat disappear, and then not just one more cat, but four more--! It takes a toll on you.
Gatito was just a couple days away from his first birthday, dammit!
I tried not to get close to his cousins -- Shadow had her second litter two years after her first -- but I failed.
I loved Cali, little scamp that she was. She somehow projected an aura of "small human girl in a pinafore" as she rocketed around. You could feel her determination as she did whatever she wanted, all the time, and focused intensely on those things. Beautiful little bratling, Cali was. Dammit...
I grieve our Smoky Gatito still. Smart little cat, he was so precious...
I was going numb by the time that we only had Jack and Sweetpea left, months later.
I cared, but I didn't know what to do any more. ( *** This is NOT a request for advice, nor do I want any criticism; I am relating what hurts, so I would appreciate that being honored. *** ) Now we take pictures of our cats, since "black cat" is not useful nor acceptable by shelters as proof of ownership either.
Cali and her calico brother Nixie were gone within mere days of each other last summer.
The next month, Vee and Shadow disappared within about a week apart. Shadow was gravid, so much so it seemed a miracle she could walk -- and I'd hoped to catch her before her third litter.
Here's a snippet of an email draft about Cali, written 18-May-2018. About a month after Shadow brought Cali and her two brothers to us. They were probably 2.5 months old when Cali began adding the house to her territory...
Two nights ago she got turned around, or scared; it's hard to say. She whipped into the house, then sat in the living room bookcase, just like Smoky used to do. Then Cali vroomed down the hall and into Sarah's room while Sarah was in the bathroom. Cali came back out, looked into our bedroom, walked into the other bedroom, which is mostly storage, and started crying.
I called her, and although I doubt that really helped, Cali eventually came back into the hallway and back to the door wall. I think she was either looking for Allen, since she seems to really like his voice, or Cali was seeking Smoky himself. :/
Poor kitten.
Even now, I believe Cali sought Tiny Cat. She liked his scent. He smelled like he'd make an excellent playmate -- and she couldn't find him.
Other stuff happened during these months too. Like anyone else, I had long periods of quiet, and memorable moments, and stories to tell. I tend to focus on what I'm working on, my cats, and then the other excitements and excursions -- just not necessarily in that order!
But today, I'm thinking about my lost cats. Maybe it's from pulling burrs off our two so much lately... reminding me of cats hiding? I know not.
I love Jack and Sweetpea, yet I will never stop missing my lost ones. :( :( I expect our two survivors miss their sibs too... Jack still looks under the steps sometimes like he's expecting Nix or Cali to come out, even now, 11.5 months later. :o
No comments:
Post a Comment